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I was sad for a few weeks after I left Lucius on Sunset Boulevard. My agent was very blunt about what I would face as a public figure, since entertainment is a universal Religion, and everyone must be immaculate, flawless. Somehow, I am beginning to understand what he meant about the torture Lucius would face in the tabloids, being flagellated and slandered.
My close friend Selene described him as a beta personality guy with some alpha traits, but not suited for the life of an icon. Perhaps, I can channel my feeling of loss to help me portray the heroine in that new play…
The life I used to lead as a model in New York feels like a dream I had long ago. Some of my designer clients still call me, but I must focus on my acting career now. Oh, I dreaded being just a “lovely mannequin” in the showrooms, and I ached to perform, to be Anna Karenina on the runway if the clothes inspired me. Well, here I am in Los Angeles with my awards underfoot in a new reality.
Most industry luncheons and parties are such a bore, darling. Lucius told me he was not fond of my white lies, but he just doesn’t understand I cannot speak my mind and tell people off, to burn bridges, and all because of silly drunkards’ arguments. I had never feared someone before, but he knows about my past and I have a legacy to build. One day, I hope to have a daughter, and I will name her Siobhan, to always remember my mother and I will tell my little girl all about her.
Sequins and lights, the applause… There is something in me that comes alive when I read a great script and I can see myself using my eyes, my lips, and hands; my entire body, to make such beautiful words come to life. My art has given me the closest feeling of what Heaven can be and I cannot be far away from the productions and even the bickering behind the scenes. This is a love I have waited many years to feel.
© Text: Orlando Barahona
© Image: Jason Hargrove/Flickr
This work by 0rlando Barahona is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. 
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